Merry Christmas, Panda!

Yes, we know it is stereotypical and cliche, but we needed a name for Baby McNamee since we don't know whether we are getting a Livingston or a Lillian (not to mention if he/she will be a baby or a toddler).  Thus we are now referring to the little one as "Panda" (sorry to my mom-in-law who was rallying for Tater Tot or MicMac or French Fry)

Turns out we aren't the only ones excited for Panda.  Grandparents and aunties have started the spoiling with numerous Christmas presents for him/her.  Now we have a whole closet filled with goodies!  (Good thing we had previously cleaned all of our other junk from that closet!)

Take a look at what little Panda got for Christmas 2011:

• an animatronic teddy bear who reads the entire poem, "Twas the Night Before Christmas" from Grammy Susan and Grumpy Vince
• a set of rice bowls decorated with pandas and bamboo from Nana and Pops
• a set of chopsticks and chopstick holders from Nana and Pops
• a panda pillow/blanket for travel from Nana and Pops
• a stuffed Pooh Bear from Aunt Heather and Uncle Josh
• a stuffed Stitch from Aunt Heather and Uncle Josh
• a jingle bell Christmas ornament with a verse from "Twas the Night Before Christmas" from Poppa (my nieces, Belle and Arianna, also got these ornaments only with different verses...this way whenever they see their ornaments in future Christmases, they will think of each other)  
• A Peter Pan book from Auntie Jenna
• Diapers and wipes from Uncle Shawn and Aunt Dani (these are actually for Belle when we have her, but I'm pretty sure we'll have plenty left over as Belle's potty training already!)

Not a bad haul for a baby we haven't met yet!  Wherever little Panda spent Christmas this year, there sure were a lot of people thinking of him/her in Wyoming!

An early Christmas present...

After finishing a few little details for our homestudy paperwork, we finally got a call from our agency today to set up our first home study visit.  We will be meeting with our social worker on January 3rd to go over the adoption process with her and then we'll meet with her again on the 6th in our home.  I'm so excited to be moving into this next step!

This holiday season has been a sad one without my mama - I've been revisiting old memories and traditions and feeling a little empty without her.  But the promise that maybe next year I can be sharing these traditions and memories with my own child is keeping me encouraged. 

Pray that our home study visits are successful and quick!  :)

In the middle...

It's been about a month since we decided to adopt and we are now swimming around in a pond of home study tasks.  Here are a few of the highlights:

• Caolon and I each writing our autobiographies - mine was 5 pages, his was 2.  Lol.
• Signing off on multiple background checks to prove that we aren't creepers or abusers.
• Waiting for our doctor visit to find out once and for all if we have tuberculous or HIV.
• The 78 questionairre (that we each had to complete) covering every angle of our lives and plans for raising children - some of my favorite questions were:
• What would ever cause you to give up on a child? (To which I wanted to respond, "well  I haven't yet," thinking about my 8th graders who sometimes really push the limits.)
• Which of the following scenarious would result in you beating a child?  (To which I wanted to respond, "well, I haven't yet," as well!)
• How do you plan to teach your child about sex? (To which I had no response.  Literally.  Caolon will have to do that part!)
• Taking inventory of  our house to determine how much personal property we own to count among our assets (surprisingly more than I figured).
• Working through courses about adopting children from China to meet our 12 hours of training that we are supposed to complete - so far we've learned:
• About the challenges of adopting older children (which includes 2-year-olds, which we may well get).
• The History of China (I can now tell you that Sun Yat-sen, the man whose quote I have on my classroom wall, was the president and founder of The People's Republic of China, which was a good plan, except that China had been a feudalistic country up until that point, so the Republic didn't really work, which is why civil war broke out and Mao Tse-tung rose to power - wow, that reads like an 8th grade book report!).
• A little bit about the language and customs of China.
• Deciding that we are going to leave the gender of our child up to God and the placement agency.  We said we'd be happy with either and to just surprise us.

We have a lot more to accomplish, but I feel like we have really done quite a bit in just one short month!
 

Boy or Girl

When we completed our first packet for our placement agency, we assumed a girl would be easier to get from China, so we indicated that we preferred a girl and said we were willing to adopt a child up to 24 months (thinking a girl would be more likely from China because of the one child policy).  Now that we are into the process, we've learned that there are an equal number of boys and girls in the waiting children program.  And 90% of adoptiong parents want little girls.  It is very possible that adopting a little boy would be an easier and faster option.  I'm wondering whether to tell our agency that we have changed our minds.  Or do we let it ride and see what happens?  What do you think?

Just the beginning...

Overwhelmed.  This is the only word to describe how I am feeling at the beginning of this process.  We have received so much information and support so far from both our homestudy agency and our placement agency.  But it is a lot to process and a lot to organize.  We almost have our first packet for our homestudy completed.  This one involves the gathering of basic information about ourselves - we each had to write biographies, collect information about our finances, obtain marriage and birth certificates, and see a physician.  We will see the physician this week and then submit our paperwork hopefully by Friday.

Once that has been turned in, there are many other packets to complete - a second one for the homestudy, a toolkit for our placement agency, beginning our dossier...so far it seems like a lot of the same - proving from every angle that we will make suitable parents. 

I have a feeling that this will be a huge test of my patience and ability to "settle down".  I am not great at waiting, but I think adoption is going to teach me to become better.  Ha!  I'm sure I don't even know the half of it at this stage...it could be a long year ahead!

And so we've decided...

I love kids.  Obviously.  Or else I wouldn't have gone into teaching.  I love my 8th graders.  I love my friends' children.  I adore my goddaughter and  my niece.  So why don't I have my own kids?

Well.  It's not that we haven't tried.  We have been in the "not preventing" stages of trying for the past six years.  We've seen our doctors for the basic tests - we aced them all.  There is nothing wrong with either of us - technically we should be perfectly capable of conceiving.  But we haven't.

This has bothered me at times.  Particularly in my twenties when it seemed like everyone I knew was pregnant.  I felt out of the loop.  Like I hadn't gotten my invitation to the big "baby party".  But after the initial self-mopiness faded, I realized it wasn't really that big a deal. 

Honestly, the idea of pregnancy and birth were not high on my list of must-dos.  I much prefer the old stork method - just open my door one day and find a child ready to go.  (Particularly an older one as I honestly have no clue what to do with an infant.  Give me a two year old and I am fine.  I can clown around and horseplay for hours.  But an infant.  They just sit there.  How do you work with something like that?) 

So while I am not overly concerned with conceiving and having a child the natural way, I have been feeling the need for a child of my own lately. 

We went to Disney World a few weeks ago and got to spend a lot of time with my 18-month old niece, Belle.  She was so much fun.  Even the moments when all we did was sit with her in the park somewhere.  It was a joyful and curious and energizing and wonderful time. 

Caolon was great with her.  They really bonded, which was adorable.  I found myself missing her at night when she went with her parents back to their room for bed.  I miss her now that we are home and I don't have the privilege of seeing her daily.  I thought about trying to buy her off of Shawn.  He does like money.  But, I am pretty sure I'm out of luck.  He seems to be quite attached to his little "cookie monstee".  If I want a kid, I'm going to have to find one of my own. 

I have been considering adoption from China since I was in my twenties and my mom's bestie, Katie, adopted two of her daughters from there.  It seemed like a perfect fit for our family.  Mom always loved China, and after travelling with her to China a few years ago, I now a carry a piece of that beautiful country in my heart, too.  But I wasn't sure that we would qualify (China has a lot of regulations about who they allow to adopt their children).  And I wasn't sure that we could afford the expense (it is one of the more affordable options for adoption, but even still, the pricetag is pretty steep).

When we were in Disney World, riding the bus to Downtown Disney, the topic of adoption came up.  Katie (who was travelling with us, as it was a memorial trip for my mom) listened to my concerns and enouraged me to look into China again.  She thought that adoption from there might not be as impossible as I had previously thought.  Talking to her, I got really excited.  Maybe this would be an option for us after all! 

The day we came home from Disney, I contacted our local adoption agency for information.  Two days later, we had selected our placement agency and applied. 

We have started the process and are hoping by this time next year we will have (or be close to having) a sweet little toddler from China!